I thought I would pass on an email that my mom sent me.  It's pretty funny, hope you like it.

Hell Explained

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a
University of Massachusetts at Lowell, engineering dept.'s chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

 As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and the pressure in Hell
will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of  souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.


The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting  "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

I don't really have anything to say today, so I thought I would put up a sort of quiz to see what kind of answers I get.  Nothing too complicated though.  I was just wondering if you had the choice, barring any physical, language, or temporal barrier, which five people you would like to meet(living or dead).  You don't have to put why, I think the answers are interesting enough, but feel free if you want to.  Mine are:

1.  Socrates (c'mon, he's the father of modern thought)

2.  Albert Einstein (any conversation with him would be fascinating, but I think just hanging out with him would be cool)

3.  Jesus (it might be a slighty obvious choice, but I'm betting that he's completely different than what we think)

4.  Fyodor Dostoevsky (he wrote one of my all-time favorite books, The Brothers Karamozov.  I'd like to pick his brain to learn how he could write so badly and yet make you feel so much)

5.  Lao tzu (my namesake.  Whether or not he actually existed or even wrote the book of changes, I'd still like to meet the man who can say so much with so little)

That's it, bitches.  Hit me back with your best answers.  Peace .

I thought I would post something that I wrote last night.  Don't ask me what it means, I have no idea.  It was pretty late when I wrote this.

This Heavy Hour

And reaching beneath her withered breast, she retrieved the object of her search with a sound I could not hear.  I hesitated for a moment, and, leaving uncertainty behind, took the proffered thing into my hands.  It glowed dully, like the moon on a cloudy night.  It was heavier than I expected, pregnant with possibilities.  This heavy hour, too.  It congealed in my mind thoughts that had formerly been free.  I turned it over and ran my fingers over the raised letters on the back.  The language was vague and yet immediate.  A law too subtle to be written, carefully codified on this small, fragile object.  An echo of the past and a warning of things to come for those who could listen.  She smiled knowlingly at me as I continued to examine the amulet.  I couldn't help but think of the statues of fat, smiling Buddhas I had seen on my travels.  She radiated a peace I desired, and desiring it, could not obtain.  This involuntary effort of being still weighed heavily on me.  She was effortless, forgetting her life as melting snow forgets its own.  The front of the amulet was covered in a layer of time, green from the oil on the hands of people like me who had sought answers to questions they did not know.  But underneath could be seen the shadowy outline of a figure, still visible centuries after it's creator had died.  The creation outlives the creator, much like we had outlived our God, or at least the usefullness of Him.  The figure was hard to distinguish at first, until I looked at it more closely.  It resembled the Hindu god Vishnu with its many arms outstretched, for what I don't know. 

I guess maybe I'm starting a new story or something.  I've never really finished anything that I've written, I just enjoy writing.  Well, let me know what you think.  Peace.

Instead of writing something so seriouso, I thought I would try my hand at the comedy the kids like so much these days.  Tengo el gato en los pantalones.  Tee hee.  Here's a funny joke I made up one day.  The premise is that Plato and Socrates are sitting around talking. 

Socrates: "Say, Plato, why did the chicken cross the road?"

Plato: "I don't know Socrates, why did the chicken cross the road?"

Socrates: "I don't know either Plato, is the chicken real or only an abstract perception in our minds?"

Plato and Socrates together: "Ha ha ha!"

Who knew writing comedy was so easy?  I did of course.  And Shakespeare.  Me and Shakespeare.  Also Donanld Rumsfeld.  Dude is high-larious.  I calls him Rummy.  You should hear his impression of Michael Jackson.  Especially when he's been hitting the pipe (wink).  You would not believe how high rummy can get his voice when his pupils is dilated.  Anyhoo, I think I've wasted enough time.  By the by, if anybody out there needs some bandaids cuz of my razor sharp wit, just let me know.  Peace, I'm out.